Thursday, August 4, 2011

....And Baby Makes Three!

Our journey to parenthood hasn’t been quite how I imagined it would be when we first started talking about kids.  For me, I knew that in life one of the biggest goals I could ever achieve would be to become a parent.  I have always dreamed of being a Mommy and having little ones of my own.  Ever since I was a little girl and would play with my dolls I dreamed of the day that I would meet my handsome husband and have babies of our own.  When I met Scott and after a while knew he was “the one” this dream solidified in a way that it never had before.  I started to dream about what our babies would look like, when we would have kids, and what type of parents we would be.  It was always in the back of my head since the day we said our “I Do’s”.   We had discussed waiting at least 2 years before starting to try for a family, and although I loved newlywed life I still couldn’t wait for the day that we would be pregnant. 

Last March, we officially made the decision to start trying for a family.  I have never been more excited and nervous about anything in my life.  We decided to not really make too much of an effort the first couple months since it can take a while for your body to adjust to being off birth control, but I secretly hoped that it would happen.  After the first couple months went by then we really started trying, and trying, and trying but it just wasn’t happening.  I always thought that getting pregnant was just a simple task, I mean how many people accidentally get pregnant all the time, and how many people do hear about who try and the first time it just happens like magic.  I wanted to be one of those people so badly, but it just wasn’t panning out that way for us. Every month would pass and there would be no baby news and each time my heart broke just a little bit more.  I never expected that trying for a baby would be as emotionally challenging as it was.  It would seem like every time I would log on to Facebook or Twitter yet another of my friends would be sharing their joyous news of being pregnant, and while I was truly thrilled for them in the back of my mind I always wondered why it wasn't my turn yet.

Around October of last year, after a few months of trying Scott and I decided that we were really not in a healthy place physically and decided to take a break from putting a solid effort into trying for a baby, and replace the focus on us getting healthy.  We both knew we were not where we should be and we didn't want to start our new life as a family being overweight and unhappy about ourselves.  Especially for me, I realized that I really didn't want to get pregnant being where I was.  It just wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved, so we decided to take a break from it all and focus our attention on that.  We both had GREAT success and lost roughly 50 pounds each.  

Even though during this time our focus wasn't really on babies, I couldn't get it out of mind.  I hoped that it would somehow just happen, but it still wasn't the case.  During this time, I started noticing that my cycles weren't really as normal as they should be.  Actually, they weren't normal at all.  In high school and college, I kind of remember it being that way but at that point in my life why would I care?  I never once thought of it as an issue.  However,  this isn't the best scenario for having a baby.  Once I noticed this pattern it only added to my anxiety about babies.  I began to think that this might really be a huge issue for us and maybe we wouldn't be able to get pregnant on our own.   In my most challenging time in life, there were very few people that I could turn to on this.  We hadn't really shared with anyone about trying for a family and only a few of my best girlfriends knew where we stood and what challenges we were facing.  I just wasn't brave enough to be totally open with everyone about this challenge, and so I mostly kept it to myself which was probably the most difficult thing to do.  

Thankfully, God is always bigger than our challenges and only He would be able to reach my heart and change this struggle into something wonderful that would deepen our relationship.  I began reading the book, Supernatural Childbirth, and it completely opened my eyes to what the word God has to say about having children.  The word of God will ALWAYS change your situation, but you have to know what it says in order for that to happen.  My faith was so broken in the area of having children because of what I kept seeing in the natural and what you hear in the world about people struggling to have children, but did you know that God never intends for us to struggle in ANY area of life, but especially in this area? Once I began to really get in my heart what the word has to say about God's provision for children, this gloominess and sadness that held me broken for so long began to break in my life.  Praise God for His word!  I no longer began to wonder "what if" but I knew it was only a matter of WHEN it would be His perfect timing.  It's amazing how when you completely let go of something and trust it in God's hands that shortly after everything falls into place.

Early this summer I had finished a round of my diet, and was taking a break before starting up again.  Scott and I kept joking that I wouldn't be able to do another round because I was gonna get pregnant on my break.  I honestly wasn't expecting it and we really weren't trying at all, but we just kept joking that it was going to happen.  I had been tracking my BBT temps trying to get an idea of my cycle pattern, and knew roughly when I had ovulated.  I started to notice that my temps were staying a bit higher than normal, but I really didn't want to read too much into it because I tend to over hype things in my head and I really didn't think I was pregnant.  However, I did have a few things that seems a bit abnormal for me, and I began to wonder if something might be happening.   I figured that I ovulated around the middle of June and knew that roughly 2 weeks later I should be starting up the monthly fun that every woman looks forward to, but my temps were still high and I had been having stomach cramps which never ever happens to me.  However I still wrote it off as nothing, and didn't think twice about it.  

On Friday, June 24th very early in the morning I woke up and decided to take a pregnancy test for the heck of it, again not thinking that it would say anything but not pregnant.  At 5 in the morning as I sat in the bathroom with heavy, sleepy eyes I waited incoherently as the test blinked, and blinked, and blinked, and finally my little eyes beheld the following....

I had to rub my eyes and blink a few times to make sure that my eyes weren't playing tricks on me.  After about 30 seconds it all hit me and I couldn't stop shaking with happiness, shock, and excitement.  I knew the minute that I saw those words on that test that I couldn't wait another second to tell Scott.  I ran straight into the bedroom, shook him gently, and said "Honey, wake up I have something to tell you."  I handed him the test and waited for a reaction and heard the words I had always dreamed of hearing, "Huh, I have no idea what I am looking at???"  Okay, so that wasn't exactly how I pictured the moment, but give a guy a break it was 5 in the morning! I filled in the pieces and said, "WE ARE GONNA HAVE A BABY!"  At that moment, happy tears filled my eyes and we hugged each other, it was finally happening for us! We had our baby!

Even though the journey to parenthood was filled with a lot more bumps than I ever thought we would have had, I am so thankful that it all worked out in God's perfect timing.  Any challenge you face in life will only make you stronger if you choose to look at it in that light. With God by my side I am confident that we will ALWAYS come out the other side of a challenge with a positive resolution, and He has never let me down nor will He ever.  Whenever I had my doubts about this becoming a reality for us, I loved standing on this verse.

1 Samuel 1:27

"For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."

This child has been covered in prayer and dreamed about for so long before it was a reality.  They were something that I petitioned the Lord for, and I knew that if He did it in the Bible then that surely He would answer my prayer today, and He certainly has.  This little baby is a joyous answer to all our prayers, and I cannot wait for them to arrive and tell them all about it! 

I hope that you will follow along with us over the upcoming months as we start on this great adventure towards becoming parents.  I cannot wait to continue to share my heart and life with you as we wait for our little blessing to arrive in February!


Bonita said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, Kim. I'll look forward to hearing more about your journey in parenting. You are going to be (already are) a wonderful mom!

Melissa said...

How exciting! I'm looking foward to following you in this journey :)

Ruffled Snob said...

So excited for you guys! I know you will make fabulous parents, and will have such a beautiful child! I can't wait to smooch on him/ or her!

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